hey everybody....

Just a quick update, I've been using MySpace a lot more than this lately, so I am going to cosolidate my efforts and just use the Myspace from now on. You can catch me at http://www.myspace.com/missionscraig

human being, not human doing...

Life has been allowing me less and less time lately to do various things that I want to do, and the funny part is, though I'm really busy, I'm not accomplishing that much. I've been getting bogged down with really useless things at times, and I haven't been able, it seems, to get out from under them. The worst part is, all these useless pursuits I'm putting my time into, are worthless; they don't honour God or produce fruit of any kind for Christ.

I feel that many times in my life I have run the very real risk of becoming a fruitless believer, and right now is one of those times. I don't seem to be very efficient with my time, I don't seem to be connecting very much with friends or family, and I am not chasing hard after God. So what's the deal?

I think I've got a clue as to what the first step in the right direction would be. We had a great speaker in chapel the other day, and he taught us that accomplishing things is great, as long as we accomplish significant things. It's ok to want to win a wrestling gold medal, or a super bowl ring, or get a Ph.D, but we have to never lose focus of the SIGNIFICANT things, the goals and the challenges that God has set before us. We have to find our self-worth in who we are, not what we do or accomplish.

This I think is the major problem, the major stumbling block, or the thing that is tripping me up. I've put too much stock in feeling good about myself for the things I do, and thus I've become a human doing, constantly trying to keep myself busy because settling down and getting on to the important things of life would destroy that illusion. Rather, I should be concerned with saying that I'm ok based on who I am, and the character I can display. But this my friends, is the problem..... How do I make that switch?

How do I slay the dragon of restlessness, always needing to be entertained or kept company? How do I crucify the flesh within me that keeps me from being the man for God and I must become?

I will start by asking for help.


Will you pray for me?

.:CRAIG:. 16-02-2006

always talk to the old guys at church...

     Well, it’s been an interesting ride since my last blog entry.  Today was definitely a great day.  I went to church with Chris, he taught a Sunday school lesson and we all worshipped together.  It was my first time at Valens Community Church, and it was really cool.  Everyone decided to nickname me ‘Suits McGee’ because as it were, I was the only person that dressed up.  I thought it was pretty funny so I had a good time.

     I had a few conversations with different people here and there at the church, and probably the one that I was most excited about was meeting a couple that do work in Haiti, the husband being a pilot.  He gave me a lot of cool insights into what the people are thinking and what their hearts’ cry is, and I couldn’t help but daydream a little about what it will be like if that is the place that God chooses to send me.  Man it would be an exciting place to minister.

     The thing that he said that most impacted me though, was that sometimes when we want to help someone, and we think we are doing something really good for them, we are really destroying their life.  In his case, some well meaning churches had sent down tonnes of food to help Haitians because they had heard that famine was a problem.  Inadvertently, the well meaning churches crashed the agricultural market for the few farmers that were around because no one would buy food when there was more than enough free food to go around for a long time, and in the end, the churches’ donation made the quality of life a lot worse for everyone once the awesome bounty of free food ran out.  So, the thing that they thought they were doing to help someone was really destroying them.  
     
     It really made me think about the Christian life in general.  We see that in the Bible, Jesus regularly goes up and helps people without requiring anything in return, and He does it many times without being asked too.  I think a lot of well meaning Christians have caught on to what they see Jesus doing, and they have incorporated that value into their set of values, but they have misapplied it.  Jesus wasn’t being KIND, He was being HELPFUL.  He did things freely that were going to improve things for people in the long run.  There is a very fine line between the two, but Jesus clearly walked on the HELPFUL side of it.  

     So, what would the HELPFUL side look like today? Well, obviously the scope of that question is monstrous, but to offer an idea of where I’m trying to go with this, I’d like to say this:  If people are interested in trying to help the third world, the KINDNESS of sending free stuff is just going to enable them to get worse, like a wife that covers for her alcoholic husband when he’s too hung over to go to work instead of letting him take the fall for what he’s done. It seems to help, but really it prevents something constructive from happening.  People need to count it worth the cost of giving up the North American lifestyle and going and living amongst these areas where they want to make a difference, and stay there long term, building long term relationships, and slowly but steadily make a difference.  Teach a child to read, teach a man to farm, teach a woman to sew, whatever, get involved head on with the people and touch their lives.  This is what Jesus was up to, and it sure did wonders for the people He reached.

.:CRAIG:.

congrats bro...

     Well, all that backlog is finally caught up.  I suffered a little bit of late marks because of it, but hey, it was worth it.  Friends are way more important than perfect marks anyways.  It was such a privilege to be a part of Haniel and Michelle’s engagement, wow did that ever rock.  All in all, there was a pretty large number of us involved, and we had a great party afterwards and just enjoyed each other’s fellowship for a couple hours.  It really felt like a little Heritage family or something, and I really felt a sense of how awesome and how important friends and circles of friendship really are.  Here’s to you and Michelle, Haniel, may God bless your marriage and grant you many happy decades together!

.:CRAIG:.

a good change of pace...

     Tonight was a really good night.  Had a good walk and a chat with a friend, played some poker, caught the end of CSI with the girls, did some shopping at M&M meats, what a day!  I feel a little more peace than I have in past days about something, and my deadline is tomorrow (Haniel, that’s for you bro).  Not much else to say, it was a good day, but nothing philosophical went through my head.  Big projects coming up, I’m loving being back at school.  Adios.

.:CRAIG:.

the next olympic sport...

     Well, turns out that carbogganing was incredible.  I was ridiculously paranoid about the cops, after being the one that initially said we couldn’t get in trouble and all that, but in the end I had a blast.  I tore all but one riveted brass button off of a Carhartt jacket, which was a little painful, and my hand is pretty screwy from the rope and all, but I’ve got to say that I had a great time.  We all took turns flying around the parking lot behind the car, some of us falling off or nearly hitting poles, others hopping the curb.  I have new faith in the coolness of girls, garnered from their excellent display of carbogganing skills.  

     All in all, there’s nothing like good ole fashioned stupidity to make for a great time.  Hopefully the pictures turn out awesome ladies!

As for my previous post, things are going a little better, I’m a little clearer headed now, I basically just have to suck it up and give it a go.  No turning back now, it’s risk taking time.  

.:CRAIG:.

i'm afraid of changing...

     It’s really hard to accept things sometimes when you come to that point where you really don’t have much choice but to do just that.  Especially when you have to admit you are going to have to give up something you’ve really been hoping would workout for a long time.  Eventually though that time comes when you’ve got to give in, because you can’t kick a dead horse forever.  That’s basically the way I feel tonight.  I came to understand tonight that something I’ve had my hopes on for awhile is definitely not happening, and it’s time to get moving on down the line.  It’s a downer for sure, but life is good, there will be other things to hope for in time.

Why is it we always have so much trouble with change?

.:CRAIG:.

it's ok for men to get scared...

     As strange as it sounds, I’ve come to realize that God humbles me with the things that I am afraid of.  The weirdest part of it all, I’ve come to realize, is that I am so afraid of some really stupid things.  Some of the things that you’d think I would look forward to the most are things that scare the crap out of me, maybe because I feel that it’s important not to botch them up, or maybe because I’m afraid of some kind of loss.  I don’t really know.  

     I guess that is the way it works for most men though.  We get so nervous we puke before our weddings, we get scared crapless when our wives go into labour, we freak out at job interviews or before we go to ask out the girls of our dreams.  All of these are things that are some of the best things that ever happen to us, yet we get so scared of them.

     I don’t really know HOW this came to be, but it’s something that is very real, in my life at least.  For a long time I’ve really thought that fear was more or less a curse, something that could beat me time and again.  I hated the fact even more that I had so much fear over things I shouldn’t really be scared of.  I can step onto the mat and grapple with a 250 pound man that wants to choke me until I pass out, and do it without an ounce of hesitation, but when it comes to opening up and telling a girl about my feelings and actually taking the risk of being vulnerable for a little while, I tuck tail and run.  Hah, doesn’t seem like a very manly display of testosterone does it?

     When I give a public addresse of some kind, whether a sermon or a speech of some kind, I shake, sweat, and get nauseous for hours before hand.  You’d think that I would be comfortable with that, since I’ve done it MANY times and I’m GOING TO SCHOOL TO BE A PASTOR!  However, that is not the case.  To this very day I get overcome by fear every time that I go to speak in front of a crowd.  

     I have been giving a lot of thought about this for awhile now, because it was really something that I hated.  I realized that it was all in the way I had been looking at it.  It was a matter of perception.  I felt bad because I thought it was a bad thing, when really, it was actually a great thing. God has had His hand in it all along.  Fear CAN be paralyzing, but more importantly, and little fear here and there can be something that stops you from doing something stupid because of pride.  Fear makes you slow down and think about what you are doing, makes you think twice so that you don’t make a dumb mistake because you were too prideful to admit you couldn’t pull it off.  Fear can keep you humble at times, and keep you out of trouble.  

     Looking back, a lot of the times where I was overcome by fear and couldn’t shake it were the times that I was being too cocky for my own good, times when I was overestimating my own ability and would have fallen flat on my face. So all in all, though it may be painful at the time, maybe once in awhile being afraid isn’t so bad.

.:CRAIG:.